(Katie) The Better Friend
Gratitude for the rarest of the rare.
Written by her friend: Amy C Nicholls
My Dad asked me the other day if my friend Katie was my “Best Friend”. I said that I don’t even know how to answer that question because I have all sorts of friends for different reasons. Some friends will do some things with me and others won’t. However, Katie is my longest friend, as we’ve known each other since we were very little.
Katie always says that we were 2 years old, but I can’t confirm the time. I just know it was before Kindergarten. Since we’re both 40 now, it’s been quite sometime and certainly before I can recall most things.
After rolling this question around for a moment, I said, “ I think Katie’s the Better Friend.” To this, my Dad nodded knowing exactly what I meant.
Katie Taylor was her name when I met her. She was and is a fiery red-head who always managed to get me out of my comfort zone and make me do things that I wouldn’t normally do. We’ve been through a lot, Katie and I. Accompanying our friendship and along for the ride, were two other kids, Robert and Brandon (two boys that my mother baby-sat along with Katie). We all were friends and there are lots of memories to pull from; Some, not the best.
It’s a character flaw of mine but I tend to focus on the bad things that happened. I think that’s because heartache seeps into the soul and chips away at the heart faster than joy and pleasure can rebuild. Guess that’s why pain is such an effective correction tool. The memory of the pain gets seared into the brain and the scar is so robust that even 35+ years later, I can call upon certain traumas very easily. Most of them only happened when Robert and Brandon were in the mix.
Sorry guys!… You are amazing now. :)
For example, we ended up killing a group of kittens in my tree house because we took them up there to play and left them there without food, water and a way to get down for a whole day. It breaks my heart to think about it because we were all to blame. (We were very young when this happened so really the blame was in our innocence.) At the time, I blamed the boys because they were always wanting to do things like that; Treat animals like toys instead of living things. I recall this one time that I was looking at a beautiful caterpillar and as I was admiring it, Robert came right up to it (the tyrannical toddler that he was) and smashed it under his shoe. I wailed with rage and disgust for him. It broke my heart. I had a deep connection to animals and never wanted to hurt them in any way. They always made me very happy and there was an acute joy in having them around. I don’t believe I ever forgave Robert for that.
Of course I see the situation as an adult now and know that boys will be boys and most of them carelessly smash bugs, if not worse. I forgive Robert now.
We all learned many things from each other. I remember Brandon and Katie trying to help me learn how to tied my shoes. I remember mornings where we all would have rice with butter, salt and pepper (a favorite of Katie’s and a classic breakfast of my mother’s.) I remember watching Katie’s first marriage at 5 or 6 years old to Brandon; A ceremony preformed by all of us and Katie’s siblings.
Robert and Brandon moved out of state at some point in our childhood. We see them now and Katie happened to named her son after her first ‘husband’, Brandon. I think it’s a name that will always cultivate love in Katie, as it holds such awesome memories. I also think it was a tribute to a first love… a pure love full of innocence.
As kids, Katie and I experienced most things together. We are only a month apart in age (Katie being older) and I remember that it was easy for us to grow together because of it. It must have been convenient for our parents too as we were neighbors and always a few blocks away; Making managing us better because we had each other and our parents could always get us ‘out of the hair’ (so to speak).
Being close in proximity and age certainly came in handy when we all came down with Chicken Pox. Floating around somewhere is a photo of me, my brother and Katie, all in an oatmeal bath, speckled in itchy redness, looking pitiful. That’s how parents used to tackle viruses; They’d have herd-immunity parties and allow all the kids to get sick together. Saved time and if you’re gonna manage one, why not a few more?
That’s back when we believed in our immune systems and the hardiness of children.
I remember always being envious of Katie though. She was cooler than me and seemed to be into things that I had very little interest in. In truth, the only interest I ever had was in doing art and playing with animals. If they weren’t real animals than they were stuffed animals. I remember that Katie got this stuffed cat once, that was modeled after Duchess of “The Aristocats”. I was obsessed with this thing. I think I might have tried to convince Katie that I should have it because I thought I loved it more.
I failed, of course, and was appropriately called out for being weird and asked to forget about the cat.
Katie’s home always had more going on. She was the youngest of 4 kids and I think it was an atmosphere I liked more. I really didn’t like kids my own age as they frustrated me. I was always being coerced to do something that was either dangerous or stupid. Katie’s siblings were calmer (most of them) and had more advanced strategies for doing things. When I was over Katie’s, I had this pipeline to new information and different levels of play. I remember the traumas of some of those experiences too, as sometimes Katie’s siblings took joy in messing with us kids. My first experience with the movie “It” was at Katie’s house and I’ve been leery of clowns ever since.
Older siblings always gave Katie a more commanding presence. Although she wasn’t too much older, I always saw her as older and wiser. She set the tone of most play and had little issue telling me about what kind of buzz-kill I was being. Katie was my first experience with open boy-craziness. I can remember being amazed by how forward she was about discussing her crushes. For me, talking about who I found attractive was embarrassing because I would always feel the judgement of the older people around me. I didn’t like being seen as cute, naive, or young. I remember being the type to take everything far too seriously.
I think I’m still that way actually.
Katie got me out of my head. She was the friend that shook things up and created little moments of spiked adrenaline. She’s always been playful in the most mischievous ways and she’s never been shy. Katie was always willing to be bold with who she was and what she wanted (still is mostly). It was an amazing presence to have around as a young, Type-A, child.
I’m still not much for adrenaline spikes.
I remember that Katie was the person to bring me into the girl world too. I had a mother that wasn’t very girly and she really didn’t indulge much of that type of expression in me. Katie was always the friend to ask me to go to the bathroom with her. It was always odd for me but as Katie and I did everything together, I would always attend the female tribunals as we took turns peeing in the toilet and talking. I still don’t know why girls do that to this day? I know we had talks of boobs and bras, of periods and boys. Katie was the only person that I felt comfortable sharing most of that hot-goss with.
Because we lived in the same area (Presidential Park), we attended all the same schools until high school. My first day of Kindergarten was documented with a photo where we all waited out at the bus stop in front of my house. It was me, Katie and Kelly Farmer. Kelly didn’t make the cut as a forever friend. In fact, I don’t know if she made it much past elementary school as she became one of the ‘popular kids’ and that mess didn’t really appeal to either Katie or me.
I remember camp Hashuwa with Katie and other amazing field trips that we took as we attended Westminster Middle School. I remember Katie’s crush on one of our teachers (another rarity of my friend that I could never understand). I’m not sure, but I think it was the allure of dreaming about someone that couldn’t be attained that Katie liked. She was the boy-band girl that fell in love with members of the Back Street Boys. I remember thinking, “what is the sense in this? It’s not like you can actually see or date any of these guys. They are much too old for us and famous. What would they ever want with us?”
I really think that Katie kept me from being a completelly hopeless nerd in school. In middle school, there started to be competition to my friendship with Katie. Katie started to formulate her own friends while I started to like being around this girl named Judy Parks and her friends. Judy and her friends were mega nerds. She was like Katie in that she was boldly authentic but I don’t think Judy or Katie ever liked each other. Judy, was a strawberry blonde and perhaps it was the clash of red-heads that kept them from liking each other? ( Maybe there can only be one ginger or else things get out of hand? I don’t know?)
I think it could be said that I have an odd attraction to gingers that runs deep. Red hair happens to be a recessive gene and therefore, rare. I’ve know quite a few ginger humans and I have to say that I’ve adored most. Including the make-believe ones; Ariel from the Little Mermaid happens to be my favorite Disney princess. However, there has only been one stead-fast red-head in my life and that’s Katie.
As Katie and I grew up, we moved more into what we wanted as adults and at this stage, the real distance in our relationship began. It’s not like Katie and I were ever the same, it’s just that up until adulthood, we didn’t have agency to really enact our truths fully. Once we both could drive and had attended different schools for a time, we were able to see life outside of our friendship bubble. The world had expanded beyond Presidential Park.
We joke now about how different we are. What we’ve become is very obvious when paying full attention to what we were as kids. We 100% grew into the adult versions of what we always have been. Katie always wanted to play teacher, or parent; She was bossy and really not someone that anyone wanted to disappoint. I would repeatitively reject her wants to play teacher or parent with the alternative of doing art. Our truce was to go outside and be active, or watch a movie that we could both get into. Later, as mentioned above, the link would be boys and hormones.
We don’t see each other much these days. In fact, once we really stepped into who we are and what we want, there hasn’t been much face-time with one another. I was looking for more pictures of us and although I have a lot from childhood, all stored in albums, in my basement or my parent’s attic, I don’t have many from adulthood. The one’s I could find were all because of Katie. She’s the friend who always remembers to take a picture.
In my opinion, Katie is the better friend because she is the reason we’ve been friends for so long. I owe her so much gratitude for it because she’s still keeping me from being a complete odd-ball. Every time I see her I’m overwhelmed with nostalgia and sheer admiration (still) for my red-headed friend.
I’d have to say that she risks bigger than me and puts herself into alignment with more possible failures than I’ve ever dared to venture. Katie is strong and a force (much like most red-heads). She also loves hard, passionately, always remembering to take time to celebrate and appreciate the players that are in her world… One of them being me.
See, if the relationship had been solely in my hands, we wouldn’t have made it past our early 20’s. I forget about time, people, eating, sleeping (you name it),completely when I’m doing my art (my profession and chosen passion). It’s not an intentional thing for me to be dismissive, simply an added feature of someone who seeks to create constantly. I’m not much interested in anything else.
Well… maybe food. I am a food addict for sure but is a flaw, not a quality.
I suppose that I should be comfortable to call Katie my best friend. She has not only proven our relationship over time, but she continues to make room for me in her world, even though I’m so freaking weird. Katie shares everything with me and that is amazing because if we were to analyze who the spoil brat was, it was certainly me. I’ve even had to reflect on what a self-centered human I can be when I’ve complained about my mother to Katie. Katie having lost her mother very young; Well before she had the ability to share who she’s grown into with her mother or the two wonderful children that she has now.
This tribute took a while to write as I didn’t know what to focus on. Of course I’m grateful for my friend Katie, but I really had to sit with it to understand why. Our friendship really makes no sense in the grand scheme of things. We are so different in so many ways. However, like most of the people who have been very different from me, Katie has been a wonderful teacher to me. At times a parent when I’ve been a adult-child and I can always count on her to take the drivers seat and tell me what’s next… More than likely, I’ll go along with the picture, the plan, the party, the play by play, because my friend has always loved me and made room for me in her life. She is my ride or die friend and I can’t imagine a life without her in it.
Thank you for your wonderful friendship Katie. I hope that I’ve earned all the grace that you give me. I know that I’m a special case, just like Parker, your rescue pup. Parker and me need our red-headed saviors; To take us under wing, rejoice in our oddities and have compassion beyond what a mess we both can be.
I love you lady and I hope that we grow into old bitties together. I’ll do better about making time as I’ve now, finally, looked up from my obsessions and seen the blessings I have in people like you. Everything about you is rare Katie as is our friendship. I will cherish it forever and I feel very confident in saying that you are my best friend.
Sorry if I embarrassed you at all… That’s what you get for keeping that awful unicorn painting I did when I was 13. :P
